Thank you oh Lord for creating this amazing world. Thank you for the many things I have experienced in life: The simple pleasure I get from going on my daily walk The relief and happiness I felt when I confessed my belief in you, my sin, and accepted your forgiveness through Jesus the Christ. Working to support my family. The ecstasy of making love to the beautiful woman I married. The comfort of the life we shared together. They joy and awe when our two healthy babies were born; the loneliness and sadness when I left her at the hospital and we lost the other. The humiliation and hopelessness when she left me for another man, abandoned by the one I trusted most. How you used this pain to draw me back to you when I could have become bitter and hateful. Now I am only bruised...and wiser...and more loving. The scars will never go away, but the wounds are slowly healing. Are you lonely, almighty God? It is so awkward to think of such a thing. But you have no equal. Is your creation an expression of your ego? The need to be worshiped and feared? Or is it an expression of your love? Your desire for connection, and to share your essence with another? Do the things I do make you happy, or sad? Angry, or proud? Having that effect on you would seem to give me the ultimate power: to please or displease. What a prideful thought. How can I stand before almighty God with anything but humility and tearful gratitude, knowing that my very existence and my every breath depends upon you? You are beyond a mystery to me. You are a paradox: ever present but untouchable; the evidence of your work is all around me, but I can’t see your face. I long to feel your breath and your heartbeat as when I was a young child laying on my parents chest. This will have to wait, my feeble mind unable to stand the shock if you were to reveal yourself to me. I am so frustrated at my mere mortalness. My lack of power or control. But I can praise you, choose to believe in you, and to trust you. And hope that you look upon me with favor. Kahle Jennings November 28, 2020
