I’m confused. I thought by my age I would have more answers, but all I have are more questions. For example, why is there so much focus on abortion in the media and not more emphasis on pregnancy prevention? Yes, I’m talking about that sensitive subject of birth control. Why is a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy such a hot topic but preventing pregnancy so neglected? I see that Planned Parenthood has launched a $45 million investment in the 2020 election to support presidential, congressional and state level candidates who support abortion rights (Kate Smith, CBS News January 16, 2020).
Let me be clear, I am not in the position to tell anyone what their lifestyle or health care decisions should be. I’ve seen smoking kill people. Add to that drugs, alcohol (a drug), eating habits and pure stupidity. If you ask me what I think, I’ll tell you what I think, and you might not like it, but I’m not going to tell you what to do.
I baffles me that in 2014 there were over 830,000 abortions in the United States. I know not all those pregnancies were preventable; women have always been susceptible to male sexual aggression and don’t always live in an environment where they have control. But I have to believe that many of these unwanted pregnancies were preventable. What is going on here? Some of it is ignorance. But what if a woman can’t afford birth control? Why don’t we make it available to her for free? Sure it will be a cost to society, but far less of a cost than a full term pregnancy, an abortion, or an unwanted, neglected or abused child. Do unwanted children have a higher probability of being neglected or abused, and do neglected or abused children have a higher probability of exhibiting anti-social behaviors? What is the cost of incarceration compared to the cost of birth control?
Will free birth control result in more people having more sex, including our children? Possibly, but I don’t think it will be a huge increase. A lot of them are having sex anyway with the attendant risk of sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy (5% -25% for a single encounter without “protection” depending on the day of the woman’s monthly cycle when that encounter occurs) and emotional problems if the sex is coerced or they aren’t ready for it. Do you harbor the comforting thought that “Oh, my child would NEVER do anything like that!” Really? You never did anything you weren’t supposed to do when you were growing up? Do you expect your children are any different than you were? How do “children” get pregnant if they aren’t having sex? What about the effect of their peers, popular culture and media on the decisions they make? Check out the “Parenting Information” blog page at www.secureteen.com or other sources for a discussion about various challenges our youth face.
And what about our young men? Women don’t normally get pregnant by themselves. Why aren’t we holding men accountable? They probably get the most reliable pleasure out of sex, get bragging rights among their peers, and are referred to using terms such as “player” or “stud.” What do we call the women they are having sex with? “Easy” and “loose” are two of the less objectionable words that come to mind, I’m sure you can think of many others. If a male gets a female pregnant regardless of his age shouldn’t he be held responsible for half of her medical costs, whether that is a full-term pregnancy and delivery or termination of the pregnancy? Shouldn’t he also be responsible for half the cost of raising that child? According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture the cost or raising a child in the U.S. to the age of 18 was $233,610 in 2018, not including the cost of college. Once word gets out they are going to have to share these costs it may make them think twice, or at least use a condom, which have a 12% failure rate by the way (Center for Disease Control, 2017).
Does a male that contributes sperm resulting in a pregnancy have parental rights? It’s the woman who carries the developing child. Her body bears the physiological burden of the pregnancy. She goes through the discomfort of pregnancy along with risk and pain of childbirth. She has the psychological and emotional issues to deal with whatever her decision is. If she feels the male who donated the sperm will help her cope with all these issues, as well as raising the child, then of course she can choose to let him have parental rights. If he is a jerk, well, why should she want him involved?
It is our job as parents to turn little animals into human beings. I understand that many of our children are not going to listen to us regardless of what we say and one of my favorite quotes is “Good judgment comes with experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” Some of us have to learn the hard way. We generally do learn, but it often comes at a steep price. Shouldn’t we be doing what we can to minimize the chance any woman will have to wrestle with the decision about whether to allow her pregnancy to go full term or terminate the pregnancy? Its 2020 and I think we should. Women of course are going to have to lead this battle, but at a minimum those of us who are husbands, fathers, or compassionate men in general need to join with them in the discussion.
Kahle Jennings, Centralia